Crossword Puzzle

Crossword Puzzle

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?" Only one word leapt to mind. "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word." The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'."

"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

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The parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house. I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots immediately say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Big Enough

This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have on of those? "Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to which the little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won $50,000" Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" The little boy asks, "Grandpa,is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," Says grandpa."Then go fuck yourself"

Final Checkup

A man approaching retirement went along to see the company doctor for one final checkup.

To his horror the doctor said, "I don't know quite how to put this, but your heart is on its last legs and you have only got six months to live."

"Is there nothing I can do?" asked the shocked man.

"Well," said the doctor, "you can give up alcohol, and cut out smoking. Don't eat rich foods, no dancing, and don't even think about having sex!"

"And this will make me live longer?" the man asked hopefully.

"No," replied the doctor, "it will just seem longer!"

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