Obscene Phone Caller

Obscene Phone Caller

"Hello darling," breathed the obscene phone caller. "If you can guess what's in my hand, I'll give you a piece of the action."

"Listen Dude," drawled the lil' Texas lady, "If y'all can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested!"

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Survey Result

The most recent survey on women showed that 10 percent of the men interviewed liked women with thin legs. Another 15% preferred muscular legs. The rest liked something in-between.

Perfect Husband

A lonely older lady, aged 75, decided it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED. Must be in my age group must not run around on me, must not beat me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants must apply in person.

On the second day of the ad she heard the doorbell ring. There sat a man in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. She asked sardonically, "You are not expecting me to consider you, are you?? Just look at you you have no legs! The old man smiled. "Therefore, no chance to run around on you!" The old lady snorted,"You have no arms either!" "Therefore no chance to beat you. Still good in bed?" she asked. The old man smirked and said,

"I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

Grade Problem

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "Wha t goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry rep! lied, "B ubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firework."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

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