3 Times

"I was married 3 times," explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first two wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my third wife died of a fractured skull."

"That's a shame," said his friend. "How did it happen?"

"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

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A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

The Kuwaiti women replied, "Land mines."

Ugly Face

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

One Liners

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

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