Thief vs Wife
A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
More Marriage Jokes
Rex's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand and I want my money."
The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
One evening, after a discussion in social studies, my brother asked my dad, "Why isn't a man allowed to have more than one wife?"
My dad's answer earned him a laugh from my brother and a night on the couch, "Because the law protects those who are incapable of protecting themselves."
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."