A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
More Lawyer Jokes
The madam opened the brothel door in nevada and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I would like to see valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else' said the Madam.
'No, I would like to see valerie,' he replied.
Just then, valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts.
The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, valerie questioned the man, 'no one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked.
The man replied, ' minnesota.'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in minnesota.'
'I know.' the man said. 'your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 Inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that
Three things in life are certain.
2. Taxes, and
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived.
The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed.
The case was closed for lack of evidence.
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them along," replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "You come with us too".
"But sir, I have a wife and six children," the second man answered. "Bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as a limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place, the grass is almost a foot tall."