Banta a construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."

Banta leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a bat CRACK, CRACK, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.

Banta comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation?"

The doctor says, "Stop wiping your ass with cement bags."

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Hi Tech

An Indian, a Japanese, and a Pakistani were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The Indian presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Pakistani, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?"

"I'm getting a Fax," he explains.


Ek mandir ki deewar pay likha tha: Agar aap gunah kar ke thak chuke hain to ander aaiye.

Neechy lipistick se likha hua tha : Agar nahi thake hain to samne wale ghar main aaiye.

Sardar Atomic Scientist

Once there was a brainy Surd (?!!) who did his Ph. D. in Nuclear Physics. He was looking around for a job, and to his luck, the BARC at Bombay advertised for a post which was just to his qualifications. He was called up for an interview, but came to the center late. The interview is already over.

After much begging and pleading, the interviewer agrees to interview the Surd. He takes Sardarjee into a cabin, and says 'OK Sardarji. I'll interview you, but on one condition : I'll ask you anything I want, and you should not object. I'll just ask you some simple questions, and if, and only if, you can answer them to my satisfaction will I consider you for the post. Is that OK?'

The Surd is delighted, and says 'Wahe Guru! Yes, sir! Anything you say sir!'

Interviewer : 'OK, First question. What's this?' He imitates a railway engine moving, 'chuk-chuk' sounds and all.

The Surd is flabbergasted. A Ph. D. in Nuclear Physics, and he's being asked a nursery grade school question! He protests 'Sirjee, what's this? What are you doing?'

Interviewer : Now, Sardarji...I told you ... I'll ask anything I want... OK? Just answer the question!

Surd (with some anger in his voice): Why, of course that's a locomotive!

Interviewer : Is it an Indian locomotive or a European locomotive'?

The Surd is stumped. Anyway, he tries... 'It's an European locomotive?!!

Interviewer : Sorry, sardarji, it's a Indian Rail locomotive! You haven't answered my first question properly.. anyway, here's another. What's this?

This time, he makes the sound and action of an aeroplane taking off.

Surd (now really angry) : That's a jet plane, of course!!

Interviewer : OK, is it an Indian Airlines Plane, or a Jet Airways plane?

Surd (enraged beyond belief) : It's a Indian Airlines plane?

Interviewer : Sorry, Sardarji, it's a Jet Airways plane. So, I am sorry.. I have asked you two simple questions, and you couldnt' answer both. So, let's end the interview now. Good bye, and thanks for coming!

The Surd is raging mad by now. He says 'Ok, Sirjee. Thank you for taking my interview. But before I leave, I would like to ask you a favor. Could I ask you just one simple question? Just one that's all!'

Interviewer (thinks 'What can this dumb Surd ask me anyway?' ) : OK, Sardarjee, just one question, and that's it!

The Surd immediately brings up his hand, making the symbol of an O with his thumb and finger. He says 'Tell me what is this?'

Interviewer (laughs out loud) : What kind of dumb question is that??

Surd : Just answer my question!

Interviewer : That's an asshole!

Surd : Whose... your mother's or your sister's?

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