Irish Wedding & Funeral
Q - What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A - One less drunk at the funeral.
More Funny Jokes
Terms to Know
TRAFFIC LIGHT — Apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
DIVORCE — Postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER — Early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE — Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened.
SWIMMING POOL — A mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL — The ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN — Man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL — Person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC — A person who believes he is everything you know you are.
FOREIGN FILM — Any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western.
OPTIMIST — Girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE — Bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE — The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS — Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA — When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET — A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."
BABY-SITTER — A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
TATTOO — Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Emily Sue passed away and Billy-Bob called 911. The 911 Operator told Billy-Bob that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Billy-Bob replied, "Texas"
The operator replies - "ah, no kidding. What street do you live on?"
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Billy-Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Q. Why did god create Adam before he created Eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.