Divorce Can Wait
A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, "Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I.
Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep...in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!"
"Well, why don't you dump the bastard?!?" her friend said.
To which the wife replied, "Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds."
More Marriage Jokes
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."
Two men are talking. The first says, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."
"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons."