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Laughing horse

Laughing horse

A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty dollar bills. The man asks the bartender,"What's the deal with the jar of money?"
"Well", the bartender says,"I've got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse laugh, You win all the money!"

The man puts his twenty in the jar, and goes out to the stable. He comes back just a few minutes later, and you can hear the horse laughing all the way inside. The man takes his money and leaves.

About a year later, he goes back to the bar, and they've got another jar of twenties there.

"What's the deal now?" He asks.

"Well",the bartender says,"That damn horse won't stop laughing! So the first person who can make my horse stop laughing wins the money!"

The man pays his twenty, and goes out to the stable. He returns a few minutes later, and the horse is bawling his eyes out. He picks up his money and is about to leave when the bartender stops him.

"Alright", he says,"You have won an awful lot of money from me and I want to know how you did it!!"

"Easy", he says,"I made him laugh by saying mine was bigger than his, and I made him cry by proving it!!"




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Twinkle twinkle little star,
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Drunk in the confession booth

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box.

He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

Drunks

These two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in the morning. They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when along comes a policeman. The first drunk pipes up, "Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could you tell me if the last bus to Dublin has left yet." To which the policeman replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."

The second drunk then weighs in and says, "Sorry, sir, but I wonder if the last bus to Galway has left yet." The officer again replies "Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."

The first drunk then starts up again and asks, "Could you tell me please, ossifer, has the last bus to Cork gone yet."

The policeman is really irritated now so he shouts, "It's 4am, all the ****ing buses have gone!" And with that the first drunk turns to his friend and says, "Ok, Mick, we can cross the road now."

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