Holy Water

Holy Water

Three nuns were standing at the gates of Heavan waiting to speack to St. Peter. Since nuns are not supposed to be involved with men, he asked if they had been involved with a man in any sexual way.

The first nun said, "I have touched a man's penis."

St.Peter told her to go was her hands in the fountain of holy water close by then she could enter Heaven.

The second nun said "I have had sex once, but only once."

St. Peter then told her to go wash her (u know what) in the same fountain.

Hearing that the third nun screamed, "Oh please no! I have to put my mouth in that!"

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Once a mother, father and a child went on a aeroplane and the plane was about to crash.

Father: Honey there are two parachutes and we are three so let the child be we could have another one. they jumped off. When they reached the ground they found the child lying there.

Mother: Baby, baby what happened

Child: Me no dumb, me no silly, me hold on to father's chilly.

Two months later the same incedient happens and the parents jumped off without the child and this time they find the child half dead on the ground.

Mother: Baby, baby what happened.

Child: Me very dumb, Me very silly, me find out mother has no chilly.


One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'pe*nis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.

Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'pe*nis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

Enjoying Life

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed to struggle through life and eventually graduate from college. Due to his severe handicap he couldn't get a job. Finally Horace became frustrated at being turned down all the time and he decided that life as a handicapped person wasn't worth living. He was about to jump off a tall building when he looked down and saw a parade going by.

There was this one guy in the parade and he was having a blast, dancing and jumping and really moving but he had no arms at all. Well Horace said to himself, 'I got one arm and I'm up here trying to kill myself while that fellow has none and he's having a great time.' Horace had to find out this guy's secret to enjoying life with such a disability.

So he came off the building and caught up with the guy in the parade, still dancing and jumping, and he said 'Hey man, I think you just saved my life. I got one arm and I'm so miserable and here you have none and you're having a great time. What's your secret man?'

The man still fidgeting about just looked at Horace and said 'What the hell you talking about fool, I've been trying to scratch my balls for the past three hours by jumping up and down.

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