Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.

Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, "Hey mishter, tashte this!"

Santa obliges...he promptly spits it out. "It tastes like piss," Santa shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: "It ish. Now tell me how old am I ?"

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Talking Time Clock

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? How's it work?"

"Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"

Galat Sangati

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.

Husband: Kya bataoon, sab galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Late Drinking

Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out late drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway.

I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom.

I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach.

I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed.

Rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a blow job?' ....and She's ALWAYS Sound Asleep!"

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