A clerk wins the Texas lottery.
He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our clerk says, "I want my $20 million now."
The man replies, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The clerk replies, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it now."
Again, the man repeats the explanation. The clerk, now furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my $20 back!"
More Funny Jokes
Once Nasiruddin Hozza has thrown a big party in his residence. So he needs one big fry pan and he lend it from his neighbour.
After few days he returned the big fry pan including a small fry pan.
The neighbour asked the reason and he told that "Your fry pan gave birth to a new small fry pan, so i gave you both the fry pans.
The man happily received the fry pans. After some days Nasiruddin Hozza needs again the big fry pan and he went to his neighbour and brought the fry pan.
But long time passed Hozza did not return the fry pan.
So the neighbour came to him and asked for his fry pan. Hozza replied "Your fry pan died to give birth of her 2nd issue."
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!"
"Dear Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes."
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was Delicious!"
The story of someone getting a haircut.
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.