Money For Dinner
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago?", the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked "No, I don't waste time shopping?", the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS?" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.
The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's Okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
More Marriage Jokes
Santa: What do you want to become in your next life?
Banta: A cockroach.
Banta: Kyun ki meri biwi sirf cockroach se hi darti hai.
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."