Accident

There was an Aussie, a Scotsman and an Aborigine driving along, when they rolled the car and the three of them got killed. They went to Heaven and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They explained that they'd been killed and needed a place to stay.

St. Peter replied, "I'd love to help you boys but we're full up after the holiday season. I'm afraid you'll have to go into Limbo till there's a vacancy."

The Aussie slipped St. Peter $50 and asked if that'd make any difference. St Peter said, "For that mate, you can go back to Earth."

By the time the Aussie got back, there were police everywhere and an ambulance. They all got a real shock when he sat up.

"What happened? You've been dead for half and hour," asked the ambulance driver. He told them about St. Peter and the $50, so the ambulance driver asked why the other two didn't come back.

"Well," says the Aussie, "The Scotsman's trying to bargain him down to $20 and the Abo reckons the government should pay for it!"




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The Dead Rabbit

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.

He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and some idiot had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.

Different Signs

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.
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# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!
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# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
We need your heads to run our business.
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# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.
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# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be...

Lottery Winner

A clerk wins the Texas lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our clerk says, "I want my $20 million now."

The man replies, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The clerk replies, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it now."

Again, the man repeats the explanation. The clerk, now furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my $20 back!"

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