Osama consults a psychic about the date of his death.
Psychic: You will die on an American holiday.
Osama: Which one?
Psychic: Anyday you die shall be an American holiday.
More Funny Jokes
A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!"
The priest inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"
Girl: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"
There was an Aussie, a Scotsman and an Aborigine driving along, when they rolled the car and the three of them got killed. They went to Heaven and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They explained that they'd been killed and needed a place to stay.
St. Peter replied, "I'd love to help you boys but we're full up after the holiday season. I'm afraid you'll have to go into Limbo till there's a vacancy."
The Aussie slipped St. Peter $50 and asked if that'd make any difference. St Peter said, "For that mate, you can go back to Earth."
By the time the Aussie got back, there were police everywhere and an ambulance. They all got a real shock when he sat up.
"What happened? You've been dead for half and hour," asked the ambulance driver. He told them about St. Peter and the $50, so the ambulance driver asked why the other two didn't come back.
"Well," says the Aussie, "The Scotsman's trying to bargain him down to $20 and the Abo reckons the government should pay for it!"
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and some idiot had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.