Do U drink
"Do U drink?" Girl's father inquired of his prospective son-in-law.
Son in law: 1st tell me whether it is a question or an invitation;
More Bar Jokes
Santa is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie.
It says, "I will give you three wishes." Santa thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. Santa starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill.
The genie asks about his next two wishes.
Santa says, "I want two more of these."
Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says, "Hey mishter, tashte this!"
Santa obliges...he promptly spits it out. "It tastes like piss," Santa shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: "It ish. Now tell me how old am I ?"
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"