Farts With The Beat

Farts With The Beat

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

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Identify The Girl

A Catholic teenager goes to the priest and admits to an affair with a girl. The priest says the boy can't be forgiven until he reveals the identity of the girl.
"I promised not to tell!" he says.
"Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the priest asks.
"No, and I said I wouldn't tell," the boy says.
"Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?"
"No, and I still won't tell!"
"Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?"
"No," says the boy.
"Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months."
Outside the church, the boy's friends ask what happened.
"Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

Birthday Gift

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

How to Control Anger

Dad to son: When I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush.

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