Grand Canyon

Grand Canyon

Three people were visiting and viewing the Grand Canyon an artist, a pastor and a cowboy. As they stood on the edge of that massive abyss, each one responded with a cry of exclamation. The artist said, "Ah, what a beautiful scene to paint!" The minister cried, "What a wonderful example of the handiwork of God!" The cowboy mused, "What a terrible place to lose a cow!"

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Strongest Man

Three guys were talking in the local bar. The landlord was so sure he was the strongest man around that he offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.
The challenge was that the landlord would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar!
Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?" "No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS (Internal Revenue Service)."

Farts With The Beat

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Identify The Girl

A Catholic teenager goes to the priest and admits to an affair with a girl. The priest says the boy can't be forgiven until he reveals the identity of the girl.
"I promised not to tell!" he says.
"Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the priest asks.
"No, and I said I wouldn't tell," the boy says.
"Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?"
"No, and I still won't tell!"
"Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?"
"No," says the boy.
"Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months."
Outside the church, the boy's friends ask what happened.
"Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

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