Evils of Drink
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
More Bar Jokes
A man walks to the bartender and bets $100 that he can piss into a shot glass placed on the opposite end of the bar and not spill a drop. The bartender takes the bet and sets up the shot glass. The man then starts pissing all over the bar, not even close the shot glass.
The bartender starts jumping up and down, yelling "Yahoo!" Another man at the back of the bar suddenly grabs a chair and, swearing loudly, smashes it against the wall. The bartender says, "What's with him?" The man replies, "Oh, I just bet him a thousand dollars that I could piss all over your bar and make you happy."
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After examining the man he says,
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it.
The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here — you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.