A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.

The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers.

About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump.

He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my ass.

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over to the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, 'Boy, are you gonna jump or not?' "I said, 'No, sir.

I'm too scared.'" "So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! "He said, 'Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ass.'" "So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first..."

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Enjoying a marriage life

At his wedding reception, the young groom's granddad congratulated his grandson and said "The secret to enjoying a long and happy marriage is to listen to each other at all times, respect each other's wishes and to try and have sex in moderation. That way, your marriage will last as long as your grandma's and mine has."

Thanking him for his advice, the grandson asked, "What is sex like then when you get older, granddad?"

His granddad looked at his grandson, smiled and replied, "Just like trying to play pool with a piece of rope!"

Blown UP

Once after a war the commander of a small batallion of the italian army comes back home defeated, his wife has grown really hot in his absence. So as soon as she sees him coming she wears a miniskirt and stands at the doorway, suddenly breeze flows and the skirt is lifted seeing this the lady says "SEE WHAT THE WIND HAS BLOWN UP"

This continues for a couple more times, the commander gets frustrated at this, he puts down his pants and underwear and shouts "SEE WHAT THE GERMANS HAVE BLOWN UP"

Sex Education

A math teacher gets called to the principal's office one day and the principal says to him, "We need a new Sex-Ed teacher and you are it."

The Math teacher exclaims, "But I have never taught Sex-Ed before what am I going do?"

The principal replies, "Well, you have until Monday to think of something, because that is when the class starts."

The math teacher decides that he is going to use flash cards to teach the Sex-Ed class, because they have worked extremely well in teaching his math class.

On Monday morning, the teacher is feeling very confidant. He walks into the room, and begins to teach the class. He holds up the first flash card and asks, "Can anybody tell me what this is?"

Little Jill stands up and replies, "That's a breast and my mommy has two."

The math teacher says, "That's right Jill! It is a breast, and your mommy does have two."

The math teacher grabs the next flash card and asks, "Can anybody tell me what this is?

Little Bobby raises his hand and replies, "I know. That is a dick, and my daddy has two."

The math teacher says, "That's right Bobby it is a dick, but your daddy only has one."

Little Bobby stands up and says, "Nope my daddy has two! He has a small one that he uses to pee, and a big one that he brushes mommy's teeth with!

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