A Strange Story
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange. an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
More Lawyer Jokes
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket again, the man told the bartender he'd had enough.
The bartender asked, "I've got to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"
"Oh," said the drunk, "I have my lawyer's picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Devil up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Devil replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, lets see what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake "he should never have gone down there, send him up here."
Devil says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Devil laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right and just where are you going to get a lawyer, when all of them are here".
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."
St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, "Name them."