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Really Stupid

Really Stupid

Q: How do you get the water into the Watermelon?
A: Plant it in the spring.

Q: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?
A: His mom told him to "live in the present."

Q: What does a piece of fruit sleep on?
A: Apri-Cots.




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Strange Beggar

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.

One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.

Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?? This is a Catholic country, this city is the seed of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."

The Chief

A tribe in the jungle consider farting after every meal to be a sign of power, however the chief of the tribe finds it extremely difficult to fart.

His servant goes to the doctor and say "big chief, no fart" so the doctor gives him a pill, the next day the servant goes back to the doctor and says "big chief, still no fart" so the doctor gives him a big pill the size of his hand.

On the third day the servant goes back and says "big cheif still not fart" so the doctor gives a pill the size of a football.

The next day the servant comes back and says to the doctor "Big fart, no chief!"

Tricking the Bull

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."

"Oh yeah, what happened?"

"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker bull came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"

"So, how'd you get away?"

"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."

"Man, that was scary. If it had been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."

"I Did! What do you think the bull was slipping on?"

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