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Lawyers Instead of White Rats

Lawyers Instead of White Rats

National Institute of Health is starting to use lawyers instead of white rats in experiments for three reasons:
1. There are so many of them.
2. You don't get nearly as attached.
3. There are somethings that rats wont do.




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Words in Court

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Attorney vs Witness

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

Three Children

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, Can I get a new attorney?

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