Only 3 Weeks
Doctor : "I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live"
Patient : "Then I'll take two weeks before Diwali and and the week between Christmas and New Year's."
More Medical Jokes
Due to a mix-up in Urology, orange juice will not be in hospital menu this morning.
Doctor to patient: 'Don't forget to stick your tongue out when the nurse comes.'
Doctor: 'I don't like her'
An old man was having some stomach problems so his doctor told him to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of the week the old man returns and said he was feeling much worse. 'Really?' said the doctor. 'And did you drink the salt water one hour before breakfast each day?' 'No,' replied the old man. 'I could only drink it for 20 minutes.'