Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. Upon the third night they had gone to bed, something new had happened. As they were lying there looking up at the sky, Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

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Just One Wish

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"

Smart Parakeet

A burglar got into a house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Moses is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Moses is watching you."
This time, he shone his light all over, and it rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?"
The parrot said, "I'm just trying to warn you, that's all."
The burglar asked, thinking to himself this must be a weird parrot, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Aaron'?"
The bird answered, "The same folks who would name a Rottweiler 'Moses'."

Adam's Political Affiliation

Teacher: "Who were the first human beings?"
Christian Student: "Adam and Eve."
Teacher: "And what political philosophy do you think they had?"
Student: "Communist, of course."
Teacher: "And how do you know that they were Communist?"
Student: "Easy, they had no roof over their heads, no clothes to wear, and only one apple between them, yet they still called it paradise!"

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