Mount Sainai Hospital
A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? Hello, Darling. I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z."
The voice on the other line said "Would you hold the line please, that's a very unusual request." Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, "Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?"
She said: "Yes, darling! I'd like to know the information about Sarah Finkel in Room 302."
He said "Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Farber, Feinberg — Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock."
The woman said "Oh, thank you! That's wonderful! She's going home at twelve o'clock! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."
The guy on the other end says: "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family members."
She said, "Close family member? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor doesn't tell me anything."
More Medical Jokes
One afternoon, two doctors from India were having an animated discussion. "I say it's spelled 'W-H-O-O-M'," said the first Indian doctor.
"No, it is 'W-H-O-M-B'," said the other Indian doctor.
An American nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both wrong. It is spelled 'W-O-M-B'."
"Thank you nurse," said one of the doctors, "but we prefer to settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are in a position to describe the sound of an elephant passing wind under water."
A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in.
Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man."
He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?"
"No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone."
A woman goes to the doctor to get some medication for her elderly husband. She's given some pills and is told that he should take two every Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday and skip the remaining days in the week. A month later the woman returns to the doctor to tell that her husband has died of a heart attack. 'I don't understand it,' says the doctor. 'His heart hasn't bothered him before. I hope it wasn't a side effect of the medication.' 'Oh no,' replies the wife. 'The pills did him good, it was the skipping that killed him.'