A guy was watching over his kid for nightly prayers. The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa and goodbye grandma." The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird. That night, the kid says "Goodnight mommy, daddy and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies. The father is like this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodngiht mommy and goodbye daddy." The father freaks. He's all like I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work. At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair. He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day. She says YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!

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Keep the Old Motor Running

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing.
How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital  for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?"
The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, "Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?"
The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you got to keep the old motor running."
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
"Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."

Looking for a Seat

Alright, so there are 4 gay guys in a bar looking for a seat. There is one open bar stool. What do they do? They flip it upside down and all sit!

Laugh and Cry

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter. He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money. So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sittin on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money. So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears. As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry. The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then he did, and the second time I proved it.

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