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Till you shone your torch

Till you shone your torch

A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies."What's wrong with you?" The barman says. "In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies. "We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park. He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman. "It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop. The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your torch!"




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Its not so funny when...

A man and his wife are having sex when their 10 year old son walks in and screams, "Oh my God!"
The husband says "I'll go to his room and explain to him what was going on."
When the father walks in he finds his son having sex with his grandmother.
The father screams "Oh my God!!!"
"Yeah," the son replies, "It's not so funny when it's YOUR mother!"

Goodbye

A guy was watching over his kid for nightly prayers. The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa and goodbye grandma." The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird. That night, the kid says "Goodnight mommy, daddy and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies. The father is like this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodngiht mommy and goodbye daddy." The father freaks. He's all like I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work. At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair. He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day. She says YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!

Keep the Old Motor Running

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing.
How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital  for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?"
The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, "Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?"
The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you got to keep the old motor running."
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
"Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."

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