A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies."What's wrong with you?" The barman says. "In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies. "We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park. He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman. "It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop. The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your torch!"
Two girls:- Which is the best contraceptive?- An aspirin.- ???- Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight.
More Sexy Jokes
A man and his wife are having sex when their 10 year old son walks in and screams, "Oh my God!"
The husband says "I'll go to his room and explain to him what was going on."
When the father walks in he finds his son having sex with his grandmother.
The father screams "Oh my God!!!"
"Yeah," the son replies, "It's not so funny when it's YOUR mother!"
A guy was watching over his kid for nightly prayers. The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa and goodbye grandma." The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird. That night, the kid says "Goodnight mommy, daddy and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies. The father is like this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodngiht mommy and goodbye daddy." The father freaks. He's all like I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work. At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair. He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day. She says YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!