A man watching a baseball game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife. "For heaven's sake, watch them have sex," his wife said. "You already know how to play baseball!"
A Rope and Two Knots
One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?" The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?" The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?" "Well, darling" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!" She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks."Honey, those're my knots!" he answers. Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!" Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?" "No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"
More Sexy Jokes
Two girls:- Which is the best contraceptive?- An aspirin.- ???- Take an aspirin, put it between the knees and keep it tight.
A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies."What's wrong with you?" The barman says. "In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies. "We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park. He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman. "It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop. The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your torch!"