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One Kiss Per Yard

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a departmental store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard" replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her.
"Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.




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Hell is not that bad

A guy finds himself in hell after dead. On his way, he meets up a demon...
Demon: Why so sad pal?
Guy:  Dude, I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not that bad. You will have a lot of fun down here. Do ya drink?
Guy: Of course, I love drinks.
Demon: Then you'll definitely love Mondays pal. On Mondays, all we do is drink. All sorts of drinks, party...etc.
Guy: Hey, that sounds great.
Demon: Do ya Smoke?
Guy: Believe it! I can't live without smoking.
Demon:  Alright! Then you're gonna enjoy the Tuesdays. We give you the finest cigars & marijuana to smoke your lungs out. And who the hell cares if you get cancer - no big deal - you're already dead, right?
Guy: Wow, that's cool!
Demon: Do ya Gamble?
Guy: As a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Wednesday is the day you can gamble all you want. Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, whatever you want. And who cares if you're bankrupt, you're already Dead.
Demon: I bet you're into drugs.
Guy: I bet you're kidding? Who doesn't love drugs! I'd do anything for drugs...
Demon: That's interesting! Thursday is what we call the Drug Day. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose.
Guy: I'm Dead already.
Demon: That's right - you're dead & who cares!
Guy: I never thought Hell was such a great place!! You guys rock man. Well, what's on Friday?
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uhhh  no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays pal.

A Rope and Two Knots

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex. The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?" The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex. Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?" The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see!" Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?" "Well, darling" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!" She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks."Honey, those're my knots!" he answers. Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!" Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?" "No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"

Baseball Vs S.E.X.

A man watching a baseball game on TV kept switching channels to a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple. "I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he said to his wife. "For heaven's sake, watch them have sex," his wife said. "You already know how to play baseball!"

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