In Zoo With Wife

In Zoo With Wife

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him you have a headache."

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Did you follow him

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a departmental store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard" replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her.
"Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Hell is not that bad

A guy finds himself in hell after dead. On his way, he meets up a demon...
Demon: Why so sad pal?
Guy:  Dude, I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not that bad. You will have a lot of fun down here. Do ya drink?
Guy: Of course, I love drinks.
Demon: Then you'll definitely love Mondays pal. On Mondays, all we do is drink. All sorts of drinks, party...etc.
Guy: Hey, that sounds great.
Demon: Do ya Smoke?
Guy: Believe it! I can't live without smoking.
Demon:  Alright! Then you're gonna enjoy the Tuesdays. We give you the finest cigars & marijuana to smoke your lungs out. And who the hell cares if you get cancer - no big deal - you're already dead, right?
Guy: Wow, that's cool!
Demon: Do ya Gamble?
Guy: As a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Wednesday is the day you can gamble all you want. Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, whatever you want. And who cares if you're bankrupt, you're already Dead.
Demon: I bet you're into drugs.
Guy: I bet you're kidding? Who doesn't love drugs! I'd do anything for drugs...
Demon: That's interesting! Thursday is what we call the Drug Day. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose.
Guy: I'm Dead already.
Demon: That's right - you're dead & who cares!
Guy: I never thought Hell was such a great place!! You guys rock man. Well, what's on Friday?
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uhhh  no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays pal.

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