How do you s.c.r.e.w.
A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink. All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear. he is a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything. The next thing he knows, the alien does it again. This time the guy tells him to quit. Five minutes later, it happens again. This time he yels at him to stop. Ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear. Finally, he jumps up and screams, "If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!". The alien thinks about it for a second and does it again. The guy jumps up, pulls its pants down, but there was nothing there! in frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!!" The alien smiles and sticks his finger in the guys ear.
More Bar Jokes
A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Once he is in the bar he tells all the patrons that are present that for a round of drinks from everyone in the bar he will insert his pen*s into the alligator's mouth and remove it unscathed. All the bar goers accepted the dare and each put up a drink. the man walks up to the alligator, takes his pen*s out of his pants and puts into the alligator's mouth. He then grabs a beer bottle and smashes it over the alligator's head. The alligator immediately opens his mouth and the man removes his pen*s unscathed. The crowd is left in awe. The man then says, 'If there is anyone here who is willing do the same thing, I will give them $500." From the back of the bar a woman stands up and says, "I'll do it, if you promise not to smash the beer bottle over my head!"
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knocking, there's no paper on this side either!"
A drunk on his way home from a bar one night realizes that he has dropped his keys. He gets down on his hands and knees and starts groping around beneath a lamppost. A policeman asks what he's doing.
"I lost my keys in the park," says the drunk.
"Then why are you looking for them under the lamppost?" asks the puzzled cop.
"Because," says the drunk, "that's where the light is."