Two guys are walking on the beach. One guy says to the other Hey your son peed his name in the sand. The other guy says so whats wrong with that lots of kids do that. He said yeah your right but its in my daughter's hand writing.
6 Old Ladies
One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were 6 old ladies laying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same Nursing Home with the same 6 old ladies laying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager. "Do you know there are 6 ladies laying naked on your front lawn?" Yes," he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale."
More Sexy Jokes
A litte boys goes to his father and asks him the difference between hypothetical and a fact.
His father tells him to go ask his mother if she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.
The boy asks his mother and she replies "Hell yeah."
He tells his father what she says and then his father tells him to go ask his sister if she would sleep with the principal for a million dollars.
He asks and his sister replies "Yes."
He again tells his father what the answer was.
The little boy asks "So what's the difference?"
The father replied "Hypothetically we're rich, the fact is we're just living with a couple of whores."
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him you have a headache."