Lecture on ill effects of drinking

Lecture on ill effects of drinking

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 attend a lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight ?
Man: My wife...

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You are the reason...

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job...

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.

He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".

Friends Never Change

Maa - Bhagwan ki kripa hai.
Papa - Beta Kiska Hai.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Maa - Aag lage is mobile mein.
Papa - Laad pyar ne bigaad diya.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Maa - Jug jug jiye mera beta.
Papa - Hamesha aage badhe.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Maa - Beta Bhool ja usko.
Papa - Mard ban.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Moral : Friends never change.

How do you s.c.r.e.w.

A guy is sitting in a bar having a drink. All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear. he is a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything. The next thing he knows, the alien does it again. This time the guy tells him to quit. Five minutes later, it happens again. This time he yels at him to stop. Ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear. Finally, he jumps up and screams, "If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!". The alien thinks about it for a second and does it again. The guy jumps up, pulls its pants down, but there was nothing there! in frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!!" The alien smiles and sticks his finger in the guys ear.

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