A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."
More Office Jokes
Once Sonia Gandhi, L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an auto rickshaw, they met with an accident and all three of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell "INDIA" and she does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extre mely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history.
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?"
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE....
The CEO returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up on Friday.
Everybody, laughed uproariously except on girl.
What's the matter? Grumbled the boss. Haven't you got a sense of humour?
I don't have to laugh, she replied. I'm leaving on Friday.
Blackmailing in new style to the company boss....
Employee to boss: agar aap ne meri salary nahi badhai,
To sare office ko bata doon ga ki
"Aapne meri salary badha di haI"