Bell 4

A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station.

Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."

"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way."

When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night."

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to screw.

After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.

"More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

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Do Something

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."

So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said:


Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:


And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmer's last call, the sheriff decided to call him.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words.


I would have a seat

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.

As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls down.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!"

Loose more pounds

A 450-pound man answers a "Lose a Pound for Every Dollar" classified ad. The receptionist asks him how much he wants to lose, and he says, "Let's try just 25 pounds to start."

So she tells him to go down the hall to room A3, take off his clothes, and then go in. When he enters, there's a pretty brunette who tells him, "If you catch me, you can make love to me." He soon catches her, makes love to her and discovers that he's lost 25 pounds.

The next day, he decides he'd like to lose 100 pounds. The receptionist tells him to go upstairs, take off his clothes outside room B4, and then enter. When he does, there's a pretty blonde who tells him, "If you catch me, you can make love to me." He chases her for quite a while but finally catches her, makes love to her and discovers he's lost 100 pounds just as promised.

The fat man eagerly return the next day and announces he'd like to lose 200 more pounds. The receptionist admits that's a tall order but tells him to go up to the third floor, take off his clothes outside room C10, then go in. When he does, there's a 500-hundred-pound gorilla who has a sign around his neck reading, "If I catch you, I'm going to f&(* you."

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