An actual ad in the London Times.


A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

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In our family for generations.

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one.

He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig.

"How about that one?" "OK, replies the farmer."

The farmer then picks up the pig, puts its tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth, and then declares, "This one weighs 74 pounds."

"That's amazing," the man says, "are you sure you can tell a pig's weight by using that method?"

"Yep," replies the farmer, "we've used this method in our family for generations."

To prove his accuracy, the farmer puts the pig on a scale and it weighs exactly 74 pounds.

"My son can do it too," boasts the farmer. And sure enough, the farmer's son comes over, puts another pig's tail in his mouth, lets it hang, and then says, "This one weighs 83 pounds." The farmer then confirms his son's accuracy with
the scale.

"My wife can do it too," says the farmer. "Son, go get your mother."

The boy runs off to the house and returns a few minutes later. "Mom can't come out right now," says the son, "she's busy weighing the mailman."


Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers:

1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin.

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly.

She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and heard

She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.

What is Pen*s

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?"

The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mom calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch.

He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?"

The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis."

The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods.

The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"

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