Properly Fitting People
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs?
Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs.
Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Accounting.
If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
And if they've left early, put them in Sales.
More Office Jokes
A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
The mathematician was first. "How much is 500 plus 500 ?", they asked
"1000" he replied without hesitation.
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the statistician. "How much is 500 plus 500?"
On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence replied the statistician
"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?"
What would you like it to be? responded the accountant.
They hired the accountant.
Engineers at their best
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai, So they both gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives, All 7 Engineers get in one toilet So when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all...
TC arrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
SO now both the group are on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick. ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets..... Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train........... Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!
Moral: 'No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared . If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.'