Rush hour

Rush hour

The bus was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

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Boom's bristles

A young Southern peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc.

He called her into his office, "But why?" She asked.

"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise."

"No," she said.

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look, I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."

Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear, it's nature. Look, I have it, too...."

"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now!

Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."

Mom's Instructions

Mom: I told you, when a guy touches ur boobs say don't and when he touches your pussy, say stop!

Daughter: But mom, he was touching both and I said DON'T STOP!

In the barn

Farmer Jones lives with his tame bear in the remote country with only dirt access roads. His tame bear had been naughty that day so he put him in the barn and said "you stay here until you learn how to behave yourself".

Shortly afterwards it begin to rain (a real heavy down pour).

About an hour later a travelling salesman got stuck in the mud and asked the Farmer for a place to stay. The Farmer told him he didn't have room in the house, however he could stay in the barn. He told the salesman there were no lights in the barn and his tame bear was in the barn.

The Farmer said the bear would not bother him. The salesman went to the barn. Later another travelling salesman got stuck in the mud and the Farmer told him about the barn-no lights and the tame bear. Salesmen left for barn.

One hour later a woman got stuck in the mud and approached the Farmer. He told her about the barn and mentioned the two ravelling salesmen (he was so concerned about the salesmen he forgot to mention the bear).

The woman said I can take care of myself and left for the barn.

Two hours later the Farmer was awakened by heavy knocking at the door. When opening the door the woman was standing there with her clothes torn and rumpled.

The Farmer said good heavens what happened to you?.

The woman replied I give up on human nature, the first guy gave me forty dollars, the second guy gave me fifty dollars, but that cheap bastard in the fur coat never even said thanks!

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