This lady was in a pet shop, when she spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it.

She went to the shop owner and told him that she'd like to buy the bird. He said he would sell it to her, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up from a chick in abrothel, and had picked up some of the lingo.

The woman said that she'd still like to have to bird, her kids were old enough to tolerate any bad language.

So she purchased the bird and took it home and put it in the lounge room. When she took the cloth off the cage, the parrot gave a squawk, then said "Wow, how about this, a new brothel and a new Madame!"

"I'm not your Madame, and this is not a brothel!" the woman exclaimed, but laughed. A little after that her two daughters arrived home, at which the bird squawked again. "Wow, how about this, a new brothel, a new Madame, and two new whores!" The girls were shocked, but they all had a laugh, after all, they could all see the funny side of things.

Afterward, the woman's husband come home. At that, the bird said "Ah, how about this, a new brothel, a new Madame, two new whores, but the same old customers. How are ya Tony?"

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Rush hour

The bus was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Boom's bristles

A young Southern peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc.

He called her into his office, "But why?" She asked.

"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise."

"No," she said.

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look, I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."

Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha dear, it's nature. Look, I have it, too...."

"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now!

Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."

Mom's Instructions

Mom: I told you, when a guy touches ur boobs say don't and when he touches your pussy, say stop!

Daughter: But mom, he was touching both and I said DON'T STOP!

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