Little Johnny

Little Johnny

There was this 5-year-old boy named Johnny, and he was very wise in the ways of the world. His problem was that he was a compulsive gambler and couldn't resist making all these outrageous wagers.

"Hey Dad! Behind that pine tree you'll see two squirrels doing it!"

The father was understandably shocked. "Son, how could you say such things?
There are no squirrels doing anything."

"Hey Dad, I just speak the facts. If I win, you pay me 5 dollars, if I lose, I pay you 10 dollars. That is a very reasonable offer."

The father agrees to the wager. They walk over to the pine tree, and sure enough two squirrels are coupling. So the father forks over the five dollars as he

It so happened that September was just around the corner, and Little Johnny had to start kindergarten. Needless to say, the father did not want Johnny making his wagers with other innocent children. So he calls the kindergarten teacher to
warn her of his son.

"Err... Ms. Smith, I want to tell you that my son Johnny is prone to make explicit sexual remarks and even wager money on such. Could you please disabuse him of such a filthy habit by any means necessary?"

The teacher says she will try.

So the first day of class starts. Not even five minutes pass on the first day when Little Johnny pipes up. "Hey Ms. Smith! I will bet 50 dollars that you have brown pubic hair!"

Obviously the teacher was flabberghasted by Little Johnny's remarks. She grabs his ear and hauls him to a side room. "I oughta spank you and wash out your mouth with a bar of Lava soap, you filthy little boy!"

Little Johnny took this all in stride. "Hey Ms. Smith, I just speak the facts. If I win, you don't owe me anything. If you win, I will pay you fifty dollars."

Little Johnny even pulls out the wad of bills to show the teacher he is not bluffing.

Now Ms. Smith has blonde pubic hair and she is a severely underpaid kindergarten teacher. Besides, the father did request that she put an end to his wagers. What more appropriate way to end them than to prove him wrong for once in his life? So she peeks out the door to make sure nobody is at the door. She then locks the door and doffs her drawers
in front of Little Johnny. Sure enough he can see that her pubic hair is blonde. Downcast he begrudgingly forks over the wad of money he bet.

"Now Johnny, I trust that you will never make any bets ever again."

Now Ms. Smith is quite proud of her little victory (and making a little change on the side). She calls up the father to tell of her success. "I am pleased to report that your son will never be wagering again." The father is quite curious as to how she did it.

"Well, err... You did say use any means necessary. Johnny bet me that I had brown pubic hair and, well... err... I proved him wrong."

"Just how did you prove Johnny wrong?!"

"Well, uhhh... I took Johnny into a side room and I showed him my genitalia." Ms. Smith was quite nervous at this point.

"That goddamn son-of-a-bitch! He bet me 100 dollars that you'd take your underwear off on the first day of class!"

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This lady was in a pet shop, when she spotted this parrot, and fell in love with it as soon as she saw it.

She went to the shop owner and told him that she'd like to buy the bird. He said he would sell it to her, but he warned her that the bird had been brought up from a chick in abrothel, and had picked up some of the lingo.

The woman said that she'd still like to have to bird, her kids were old enough to tolerate any bad language.

So she purchased the bird and took it home and put it in the lounge room. When she took the cloth off the cage, the parrot gave a squawk, then said "Wow, how about this, a new brothel and a new Madame!"

"I'm not your Madame, and this is not a brothel!" the woman exclaimed, but laughed. A little after that her two daughters arrived home, at which the bird squawked again. "Wow, how about this, a new brothel, a new Madame, and two new whores!" The girls were shocked, but they all had a laugh, after all, they could all see the funny side of things.

Afterward, the woman's husband come home. At that, the bird said "Ah, how about this, a new brothel, a new Madame, two new whores, but the same old customers. How are ya Tony?"

Rush hour

The bus was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

Boom's bristles

A young Southern peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc.

He called her into his office, "But why?" She asked.

"Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all," she said sullenly.

"Look, I'll give you a raise."

"No," she said.

"You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me."

"Okay if you must know..." said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, "Look, I haven't had this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..."

Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear, it's nature. Look, I have it, too...."

"Oh no!" the girl cried, "I can't wait two weeks, I quit now!

Not only do you have the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."

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