Pissed off

Pissed off

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home, and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door.

So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak'.

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head.

"No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really got to me." Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land ? "My damned forehead !"

"Damn, that really is a drag !" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to make a dump. Turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that myfeet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

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Doctor's words

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself.

His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

Some Questions

What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Hello...think cleaner I swear this is not dirty...!!!

What is the similarity between a christmastree & a priest?
Their balls are 4 decoration

Why is the dick called a gentleman in England?
It stands up when a lady passes by.

Why is the dick called a thief in Baghdad?
It enters through the back door.

Why are the sex organs of an elephant in his feet?
Because if he steps on you, you are royally fucked.

Why did Mahtama Gandhi never wore an underwear?
He beleived in freedom movement?

Why India has never had a female President?
What would you call her - Rashtra(patni)?

What is the difference between a girl in a bathroom and a girl in a church?
The girl in the church has her soul full of hope and the girl in the bathroom
has her hole full of soap.

What is the similarity between a girl and an oven?
You heat them before use.

Define a girl in cricket language?
No cover, No extra cover, a deep gully between two fine legs.

Define a Bra?
It's a holder for boulder under the shoulder.

Define Bra?
A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones.

What do you call a parsi test tube baby ?

What do you call prostitutes in Pakistan ?

Thought for the day :

Never marry a phone operator, she will say three minutes over"
never marry a nurse, she will say I have to attend others"
marry a teacher only, she will say repeat it again.

War wound

A guy went into a public washroom and had to use the only available urinal, which was between two elderly men. He glanced to his left and saw the guy pissing, but there were two streams. "What the hell is that?" he asked.

"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes."

Then the guy looked to his right and saw three streams. "What the hell is that?"

"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes."

The two veterans then looked over at the guy in the middle and saw 12 streams! "War wound?" they both asked.

"Naah, my zipper's stuck."

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