Magnificent Couple

Magnificent Couple

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a Skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.

Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", Our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."

"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied. "Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."

The burly gorilla is about to deck our Poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's breasts."

At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of his desire are freed at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on, kiss'em!" He growls."I can't," replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling. "Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry by now.

"I don't have ten thousand dollars..."

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Once there is this jungle wherein all the male animals are hardcore sex maniacs. All time, every hour of the day, they used to have sex.

All the females got annoyed with their husband's behavior and decided to go to the maharaja for help.

The maharaja was kind enough to give a relief period of 2 months to the females, he called every male and cut their dicks off and gave each one a coupon. The coupon said 'COME AFTER 2 MONTHS AND GET YOUR DICKS IN EXCHANGE OF THIS COUPON'

Now there was this female monkey who started to tease her husband by saying "Darling I am hot today please come and have sex" this continued till 45 days and then the male monkey was pissed and replied "Darling wait for 15 days and then ill screw you royally as I just flicked the elephants coupon"

3 Questions

Q:) What did the prostitute say to the man who couldn't get an erection?
A:) "No hard feelings?"

Q:) What do you get when you recycle 365 used rubber condoms?
A:) A "Goodyear"

Q:) What's the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A:) When the baby look like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, its Sociology!

Pissed off

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home, and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door.

So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak'.

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head.

"No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really really got to me." Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land ? "My damned forehead !"

"Damn, that really is a drag !" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to make a dump. Turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that myfeet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

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