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A mute story

A mute story

A deaf-mute strolls into a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms. Unfortunately, he can't find the rubbers. Because he doesn't speak, he tries explaining to the pharmacist with his hands, but the pharmacist fails to understand.

Frustrated, the deaf-mute guy unzips his pants, pulls his penis out, and (thud!) drops it onto the counter. Then he lays a five-dollar bill down next to it.

"Ah," says the pharmacist. Smiling, he also unzips his pants and flops his penis on the counter. Then he pockets the deaf man's cash.

The man begins to curse in sign language. "Sorry," says the pharmacist. "If you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't gamble."




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Thinking about you

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my body... you sensed my indifference, so you started to bite my body without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me crazy while you sucked me dry.

Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still shows your marks, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and won't let you go, will hold you with all my strength so you won't disappear. Won't rest until l squeeze your blood out..... you.............you....................

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you..........you fucking mosquito!

The Priest's Rooster

A priest had lost a rooster and didn't know where to find it.

So at the sermon next day he queried "Has anybody got the cock?"
All the men stood up.

"No no I mean has anybody seen the cock?"
All the women folk stood up.

"No no I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
All the nuns stood up!

Sex during her pregnancy

A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was okay to have sex during her pregnancy.

He told them that during the first trimester they could do it normal-style, during the second trimester they should do it dog-style and during the third trimester they were limited to wolf-style.

"Wolf-style?" queried the husband. "What's that?"

"You lie next to the hole and howl," replied the doctor.

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