A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy cow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the Parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately." "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.

"THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

More Sexy Jokes

Some Quickies!

1. All men are terrorists. They always attack women on their twin towers and destroy their pentagon.

2. Two sperms are swimming really hard and one asks, "Are we almost at uterus?." "Nah!" says the other, "we just passed the tonsil".

3. A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got out off hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, "I told you not to go doggy style".

4. Man went to the chemist to buy one fourth Viagra. Chemist said that it would be useless. Man said, "I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes".

5. Secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you comment on this? "The truth is that she has a big mouth".

6. A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love. She said, "Aww, so sorry... exkooz me pleazo, Front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud".

7. What is common between a swimming pool and a wife - for both we pay high maintenance for the little time we spend in them.

8. What's the difference between biology and sociology?
When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology

A mute story

A deaf-mute strolls into a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms. Unfortunately, he can't find the rubbers. Because he doesn't speak, he tries explaining to the pharmacist with his hands, but the pharmacist fails to understand.

Frustrated, the deaf-mute guy unzips his pants, pulls his penis out, and (thud!) drops it onto the counter. Then he lays a five-dollar bill down next to it.

"Ah," says the pharmacist. Smiling, he also unzips his pants and flops his penis on the counter. Then he pockets the deaf man's cash.

The man begins to curse in sign language. "Sorry," says the pharmacist. "If you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't gamble."

Thinking about you

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my body... you sensed my indifference, so you started to bite my body without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me crazy while you sucked me dry.

Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still shows your marks, making it harder to forget you. Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... as soon you appear I will quickly grab you and won't let you go, will hold you with all my strength so you won't disappear. Won't rest until l squeeze your blood out..... you.............you....................


you..........you fucking mosquito!

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