Three guys

Three guys

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.

The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the problem?" asks the doctor.

"I have no dick!"

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"

"What's wrong?" the doctor asks.

"I have no dick!"

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!"

"Why?" asks the doctor.

"Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate you!"

"Why?" the doctor asks.

"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!" He walks out.

The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, "Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!"


"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!"

More Sexy Jokes

I got laid

A little kid bursts through the front door yelling, "Mom, Mom! I got laid! I got laid!" When the mother hears what her son is saying she slaps him across the face and says, "Go up to your room, you filthy boy, just wait for your father to get home, he'll take care of you!"

She can hardly believe what her son was telling her. Soon his Father gets home and is instantly instructed to go and discipline their little foul-mouthed child upstairs.

The Father enters his sons room and can see he is still very excited about his first sexual escapade. The first thing out of his sons month, "Dad, Dad, I Got Laid!" The father says proudly, "You did? How was it?"

The young boy says, "It was great dad! It was the most incredible experience of my life! It was so great! It was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I can't wait 'till I get laid again!"

The father is very proud of his son's sexual encounter and gleefully asks, "Well Son, when are you going to be getting laid again?"

Without hesitation, "As soon as my ass stops hurting!"

Smart Jokes

A penis is a gentleman...when it sees a lady, it stands.
It is also an artist, after every performance, it bows
It is also a gossiper, it goes from mouth to mouth

Lady goes to the dentist, takes off panty, sits down and spread her legs
Dentist : Obgyne is 1 floor higher, madam
Lady : No! You installed my husband's dentures last week, you get them out now!

Woman in restaurant sees the chef flatening the hamburger with armpit
Girl : That's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!
Chef : You should have seen how we make donuts!?

Define blowjob
Its' the only job in the world that can't be written on a resume despite years of experience and number of references

A woman needs only 4 animals in her life :
a. a mink on her back
b. a jaguar in her garage
c. a tiger in her bed, and
d. a jackass to pay for it all!


A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy cow," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion." The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the Parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately." "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.

"THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down...."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

Show More Sexy Jokes