Lipstick hanging out

Lipstick hanging out

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what say to the little girl himself. then remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table he turns to the little girl and say will you excuse me
I have to go to powder my nose.

And saying so he leaps of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse, because your lipstick is hanging out.

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Three guys

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's.

The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's the problem?" asks the doctor.

"I have no dick!"

So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!"

"What's wrong?" the doctor asks.

"I have no dick!"

The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week.

The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week.

A week later,the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!"

"Why?" asks the doctor.

"Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out.

The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate you!"

"Why?" the doctor asks.

"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters up there!" He walks out.

The last guy with the electrical dick walks in and says, "Doctor, doctor! I love you, I love you!"


"Everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, her boobs light up!"

I got laid

A little kid bursts through the front door yelling, "Mom, Mom! I got laid! I got laid!" When the mother hears what her son is saying she slaps him across the face and says, "Go up to your room, you filthy boy, just wait for your father to get home, he'll take care of you!"

She can hardly believe what her son was telling her. Soon his Father gets home and is instantly instructed to go and discipline their little foul-mouthed child upstairs.

The Father enters his sons room and can see he is still very excited about his first sexual escapade. The first thing out of his sons month, "Dad, Dad, I Got Laid!" The father says proudly, "You did? How was it?"

The young boy says, "It was great dad! It was the most incredible experience of my life! It was so great! It was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I can't wait 'till I get laid again!"

The father is very proud of his son's sexual encounter and gleefully asks, "Well Son, when are you going to be getting laid again?"

Without hesitation, "As soon as my ass stops hurting!"

Smart Jokes

A penis is a gentleman...when it sees a lady, it stands.
It is also an artist, after every performance, it bows
It is also a gossiper, it goes from mouth to mouth

Lady goes to the dentist, takes off panty, sits down and spread her legs
Dentist : Obgyne is 1 floor higher, madam
Lady : No! You installed my husband's dentures last week, you get them out now!

Woman in restaurant sees the chef flatening the hamburger with armpit
Girl : That's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!
Chef : You should have seen how we make donuts!?

Define blowjob
Its' the only job in the world that can't be written on a resume despite years of experience and number of references

A woman needs only 4 animals in her life :
a. a mink on her back
b. a jaguar in her garage
c. a tiger in her bed, and
d. a jackass to pay for it all!

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