Race car Driver

Race car Driver

The racecar driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights'. Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'What a smooth finish'."

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.

"Nothing, but then you felt my p**sy and yelled, 'Who the hell left the garage door open'?"

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Me and my Sex!

I have a dog his name is "Sex" I don't know what got over me, when I named him but that's what I call him.

He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to the city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I'd like one too."

Then I said, "But this is a dog."

He said he didn't care what she looked like.

Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 years old."

He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.

He said, "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night."

The clerk said,"Funny -- I have the same problem."

One day I entered Sex in a dog contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I
should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV."

"Now that is all over cable."

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married."

The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me.

He said, "Me, too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.

My case comes up Friday.

One Liners

A cardiologist marries a gynaecologist and were blessed with twin girls. Guess what they name them - Angina and Vagina.


A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller says, "Sorry, madam, the note is fake".
"Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped".


Secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you comment on this?
"The truth is that she has a big mouth".


A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love. She said, "Aww, so sorry... exkooz me pleazo, Front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud".


Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.


Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"
God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad".

Pan cake

A young couple took their five-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. "Gee, mom," he exclaimed.

"For me?"

"Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father."

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