A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow- up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers: "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. " It's the worst mistake I've ever made.
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts!!! And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
More Medical Jokes
Wife goes to a doc and asks crys out for help."doc, doc..my husband is 300% impotent"
Doc says" I don't understand 300%?"
Wife says "u know about the first 100%, now he!s gone and cut his finger and burnt his tongue!
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."
A flat chested young lady goes to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements. He tells her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the
top of your nipples and say, 'Scooby dooby dooby, Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.'"
Every day faithfully she would rub the top of her nipples and say, "Scooby dooby dooby, Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies." After several months, it worked! She grew larger breasts, just as she wanted!
One morning she was running late and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. At this point she loved her breasts and didn't want to lose them, so she sat up straight there on the bus and said as quietly as she could, "Scooby dooby dooby, Scooby dooby dooby. I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Say, by any chance do you go to Dr. Smith?"
"Why, yes, I do. What makes you ask?"
"Hickory dickory dock!"